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  • Jan Flynn

For Women Who Yearn to Be Heard

Life-changing new technology!

Photo by Eric Mok on Unsplash

Tired of trying to get a word in, ladies?

Worn out by meetings where you can’t find an opening to state your thoughts because another gender keeps taking up all the verbal space? Tired of men who are perfect strangers standing outside your car as you parallel park, waving instructions at you that you didn’t ask for and don’t need?

Fed up with presenting your boss with suggestions that he ignores until he hears the same idea from a male colleague? Have your words been spoken over in Zoom meetings so many times that you check your mic, only to find out it’s working just fine?

Weary of having things you already understand mansplained to you?

Afraid you might lose your composure and start screaming the next time a guy interrupts you?

Then this new device is for you!

Announcing the Peena-Phone, the revolutionary invention that allows a woman, or anyone who identifies as a woman, to be heard by men — without shouting, arm-waving, or enduring blank stares!

This ingenious device consists of a flexible, proboscis-like mouthpiece beneath which are positioned two small, globular amplifiers. Anyone with a uterus (or who used to have one) who speaks through the mouthpiece while squeezing gently on the amplifiers will find themselves able to converse normally and finish entire sentences!

The Peena-Phone is effective in a vast range of situations, from first dates to board meetings to family gatherings. It’s proven to work, whether you want to communicate with one man, a mixed-gender group, or a whole room full of bros!

While the Peena-Phone cannot guarantee agreement with your opinions or suggestions, it does mean your words will not only be heard, but will be understood.

That sinking feeling when you’re making the presentation you worked so hard on while the guys in the room scroll through their phones — until they start interjecting with football references? With your Peena-Phone deployed, they’ll listen to you until you’re done speaking. Even before they make suggestions that you’ve already proposed!

The Peena-Phone is discreet and easy to use

With no need for batteries, the Peena-Phone can be slipped over your lower face more comfortably than a standard N-95 mask. Its color is ingeniously designed to automatically and naturally reflect your own skin tone.

And since it’s much smaller than most men would have you believe, it’s easy to slip the Peena-Phone into your purse or pocket when not in use.

Here’s what satisfied users have to say:

“I don’t know how I lived without this device until now. The Peena-Phone has saved my marriage!”Sharleen Pepper, CPA (and wife)

“My job had become so stressful that my health was suffering. I was at a breaking point. I’m not exaggerating when I say the Peena-Phone probably kept me out of jail.” — Angela Cooper, adult driving instructor

“I’m amazed at the simplicity and effectiveness of the Peena-Phone. It could well revolutionize my professional field — I even joke with my colleagues that it might put us out of work!” — Carlotta Simpson, marriage counselor

“Patient compliance is up 75% since I began using the Peena-Phone in my practice.” — Ruby Franklin, proctologist

We’d like to offer you a free trial of the Peena-Phone

Alas, we can’t do that. Because the Peena-Phone does not in fact exist. At least not yet.

But it should, don’t you think? Dibs on the patent.

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